I'm $86K in Debt: 5 Financial Mistakes I Made in My 20s That I Refuse to Repeat in My 30s

'm $86K in debt.

Honestly, I'm embarrassed to admit that. It's not exactly something I'm proud of, and putting it out there for the world to see makes me a little uncomfortable. But I've come to realize that growth requires honesty, especially with yourself.

How can I overcome an obstacle if I'm not willing to acknowledge what got me here in the first place?

So, let's get into it.

All $86K of my debt was accumulated throughout my 20s.

Some of my financial decisions were made out of survival, others out of impulsiveness, and some were just pure spontaneity. Looking back, I can recognize moments when I genuinely needed help and others when I simply lacked the discipline to tell myself no.

But beyond the debt itself, I've learned a lot about my relationship with money.

I've learned that I'm an emotional spender. I've also realized that money has played a much bigger role in my self-esteem than I'd like to admit. When I'm financially stable, I feel confident, accomplished, and secure. But when I'm broke, those feelings can quickly turn into shame, anxiety, and even depression.

There have been moments when I've allowed the amount of money in my bank account to determine how I feel about myself.

And that's something I desperately want to change.

Money is important. It provides security, opportunities, and the ability to care for ourselves and the people we love. But it should never have so much control over how we view our worth.

My financial situation is something I need to improve, not something that defines who I am.

As I approach this next chapter of my life, I've made a decision.

I refuse to spend my 30s repeating the same financial mistakes I made in my 20s.

I've set an ambitious goal to pay off my $86K debt by my 31st birthday. I know that won't be easy, and I recognize that reaching that goal will require more than just earning money. It will require discipline, sacrifice, consistency, and a complete change in how I manage my finances.

But before I can move forward, I need to reflect on what went wrong.

Here are the five biggest financial mistakes I've made and the lessons I plan to carry into my 30s.

1. Misusing Credit Cards

I remember the excitement of getting my first credit card.

I finally had access to money that wasn't sitting in my checking account, and at the time, that felt like freedom.

Unfortunately, I didn't fully understand how credit cards worked or the responsibility that came with having one.

I maxed out my first credit card and, instead of addressing my spending habits, I applied for another one.

Looking back, I wish I had taken the time to educate myself on interest rates, credit utilization, minimum payments, and the importance of paying off balances.

I treated my credit limit as an extension of my income rather than borrowed money that I would eventually have to repay.

And that mindset cost me.

I don't believe credit cards are inherently bad. When used responsibly, they can be useful financial tools. But without discipline and a clear understanding of how they work, they can quickly become a burden.

What I've learned: Having access to credit doesn't mean I can afford to spend it. Moving forward, I want to use credit intentionally rather than relying on it to support a lifestyle I can't afford.

2. Not Prioritizing Savings

If there's one thing I've consistently struggled with, it's saving money.

I didn't prioritize building an emergency fund in my 20s, and if I'm being transparent, it's something I still struggle with today.

For years, my financial mindset was centered around paying whatever bills were due, spending what remained, and figuring everything else out later.

But life doesn't always give you time to figure things out.

Cars break down. Medical expenses happen. Unexpected bills show up. And when you don't have savings to fall back on, even a relatively small emergency can create a financial crisis.

For me, those emergencies often resulted in using credit cards, taking out personal loans, or borrowing money from family and friends.

And just like that, another expense became another debt.

I've realized that saving money isn't just about accumulating wealth. It's about creating stability and giving yourself room to breathe when life happens.

I also recognize that saving requires intentionality. I can't continue treating it as something I'll do when I have extra money because, somehow, there's always something else that needs to be paid.

What I've learned: Savings need to become a consistent part of my budget, not an afterthought. Even if I have to start small, building an emergency fund is essential to breaking my cycle of debt.

3. Neglecting My 401(k) and Retirement Savings

Retirement planning was probably one of the last things on my mind throughout my 20s.

I was so focused on my immediate financial needs that I rarely considered what my financial future would look like 20, 30, or even 40 years down the road.

There were periods when I contributed to my 401(k), but there were also times when I stopped contributing or withdrew money from my retirement savings.

Looking back, I wish I had understood the long-term consequences of those decisions.

Not only did I miss opportunities for compound growth, but I also potentially missed out on employer contributions and reduced the amount of money I was setting aside for my future.

I think one of the biggest mistakes I made was assuming that I had plenty of time to worry about retirement later.

And while I still have time to make better decisions, I now understand how valuable those early years of investing could have been.

I've also learned that retirement savings and emergency savings serve two very different purposes. My retirement account shouldn't be the first place I turn when I'm experiencing financial difficulties.

What I've learned: I need to start making decisions that benefit both my present and future self. Financial stability isn't just about being able to pay my bills today. It's also about preparing for the life I want years from now.

4. Gambling

This is probably one of the most difficult mistakes for me to discuss because it's a habit I've struggled to overcome.

Gambling can be incredibly enticing, especially when you're already experiencing financial difficulties.

The possibility of turning a small amount of money into something substantial can make it feel like you've found a shortcut to solving your problems.

And when you win, the excitement is almost indescribable.

But when you lose, it's a completely different feeling.

I've experienced the emotional roller coaster of winning money, losing money, and convincing myself that I could recover my losses if I just tried one more time.

Unfortunately, that mindset can quickly turn into a destructive cycle.

I've realized that gambling wasn't just affecting my finances. It was affecting my peace of mind, my emotions, and my ability to make rational financial decisions.

What makes this particularly difficult is recognizing that I could have spent that time and money doing something productive.

Instead of chasing the possibility of quick money, I could have explored legitimate opportunities to increase my income, such as delivery driving, freelancing, or building a business.

Of course, earning additional income requires effort, and there's no guarantee of immediate success. But at least those efforts could have contributed to something sustainable rather than putting more of my money at risk.

I also understand that overcoming gambling isn't always as simple as deciding to stop. For me, it means recognizing my triggers, creating boundaries, and being willing to seek support when necessary.

What I've learned: Gambling is not a financial plan. I want to stop chasing quick wins and focus on creating consistent, sustainable ways to improve my financial situation.

5. Constantly Borrowing Money From Friends and Family

Of all the mistakes I've made, this is one that has affected more than just my finances.

It's affected my relationships.

Throughout my 20s, I've been fortunate to have friends and family members who were willing to help me when I experienced financial difficulties.

And I genuinely appreciate every person who has extended that kindness to me.

But somewhere along the way, borrowing money became a recurring habit.

I would fall behind on bills, borrow money to catch up, repay what I borrowed, and then find myself in another situation where I needed financial assistance.

It became a cycle.

And while I made efforts to repay the money I borrowed, I now understand that consistently asking for help can become exhausting for the people on the receiving end.

I've had relationships become strained, and I've even had people distance themselves from me because of my repeated requests for financial assistance.

At first, that hurt.

But after reflecting on my behavior, I understand why someone might feel the need to establish boundaries.

People have their own financial responsibilities, goals, and challenges. It isn't fair for my lack of financial planning to continuously become someone else's burden.

I also recognize that borrowing money was often a symptom of a much bigger issue.

I wasn't consistently planning ahead. I was delaying expenses, allowing bills to accumulate, and then scrambling to find enough money to catch up.

Even when I received additional income, I sometimes used it to fix immediate problems without addressing the habits that created those problems in the first place.

And eventually, the cycle would repeat itself.

What I've learned: I need to become more responsible with the money I already earn. That means budgeting realistically, paying bills on time, planning for upcoming expenses, and learning to live within my means.

Most importantly, I want my relationships to be built on love, trust, and genuine connection, not financial dependency.

Taking Accountability and Breaking the Cycle

Writing all of this has forced me to confront some uncomfortable truths about myself.

The truth is, I haven't always been responsible with money.

I've made impulsive purchases, ignored financial responsibilities, relied too heavily on borrowing, and made decisions that provided temporary relief but created long-term consequences.

And while some of my financial struggles were caused by circumstances outside of my control, I also have to acknowledge the role my own decisions played.

I can't change the past.

I can't go back and undo the credit card purchases, recover every dollar I've lost, or reclaim the years I didn't prioritize saving and investing.

But I can decide what happens next.

I can choose to become more disciplined. I can learn how to budget, manage my emotions without spending money, build savings, and make financial decisions that align with my long-term goals.

And perhaps most importantly, I can learn to give myself grace without making excuses for my behavior.

Because accountability doesn't have to mean constantly beating yourself up over your mistakes.

It means acknowledging them, learning from them, and making a genuine effort to do better.

Building a Better Future for Myself and My Children

One of my biggest motivations for changing my financial habits is my children.

As a mother of three boys, I want to give my children a life filled with love, stability, opportunities, and experiences.

I want to take family vacations without worrying about how I'll pay my bills afterward. I want to celebrate milestones without going into debt. I want to build savings, invest, and eventually create something that I can pass down to them.

But beyond the financial benefits, I want to teach my children how to have a healthy relationship with money.

I want them to understand the importance of saving, budgeting, delayed gratification, and making responsible decisions.

And I know that the best way to teach those lessons is to practice them myself.

I don't want my children to inherit the same unhealthy financial habits that I've spent years trying to overcome.

I want to break that cycle.

But that starts with me.

It starts with learning to say no to myself, even when I want something. It starts with being consistent when the excitement of setting a new goal wears off. It starts with accepting that financial progress may be slow and that not every sacrifice will produce an immediate reward.

I've also been reflecting on my faith and the importance of being a good steward of what God has already blessed me with.

For a long time, I focused on wanting more money without fully addressing how I managed the money I already had.

And I've realized that increasing my income won't automatically solve my financial problems if I continue practicing the same habits.

I need to change my relationship with money, not just the amount of money in my bank account.

Admitting I Have a Problem Is My First Step

I'm not writing this because I've suddenly mastered financial responsibility.

Far from it.

I still struggle with some of these habits, and I know that changing years of behavior won't happen overnight.

But I'm tired of repeating the same financial mistakes.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm constantly catching up.

I'm tired of allowing money to determine my mood, my confidence, and my sense of security.

And most importantly, I'm tired of knowing what I need to do but struggling to consistently follow through.

So, I'm finally willing to say something that hasn't always been easy for me to admit.

I have a problem, and I need help.

I need to become more disciplined. I need to be more intentional. I need to listen to people who have experience managing money responsibly and actually apply what I'm learning.

And I need to be patient with myself throughout this process.

I know my goal of paying off $86K by my 31st birthday is ambitious. I may have to adjust my timeline as I learn more about my finances and what is realistically achievable.

But regardless of how long it takes, I'm committed to making progress.

Because the real goal isn't just to become debt-free.

It's to become financially responsible enough that I never find myself in this same situation again.

Welcome to Lazy Money Diaries

I've decided to document my journey through a series called Lazy Money Diaries, where I'll be sharing my experiences with budgeting, debt repayment, financial mistakes, side hustles, and everything I'm learning along the way.

And no, the word "lazy" doesn't mean I'm looking for a way to avoid doing the work.

For me, The Lazy Method is about learning how to work smarter, make intentional decisions, and create systems that make life easier rather than unnecessarily complicated.

I want to build a financial life that doesn't require me to constantly operate in survival mode.

Throughout this series, I'll share real numbers, honest progress updates, lessons learned, and even the setbacks.

I'm not a financial expert, and I'm certainly not claiming to have all the answers.

I'm simply a woman approaching a new chapter of life who has decided that enough is enough.

If you've experienced similar financial struggles, I hope my story reminds you that you aren't alone and that it's never too late to start making better decisions.

And if you have any advice, resources, or lessons you've learned through your own financial journey, I'd love to hear them in the comments.

Here's to taking accountability, breaking unhealthy cycles, and building a better financial future.

My 20s taught me some expensive lessons.

Now it's time to make sure my 30s don't come with the same price tag.

Follow along with Lazy Money Diaries as I work toward paying off $86K in debt and taking back control of my finances. 💜